This painting is me admitting that I’ve lived in the space between growth and sorrow. That I can bloom and break at the same time. That I’ve felt fragile, small, hidden, but still, I remain. Still, I hold myself. Still, I rise again. When I look at this painting, I see myself. I see the way I fold into myself when the weight of life feels too much to carry out loud. I see how I’ve learned to hold myself together, even in silence, even when no one else knows what I’m holding inside. The flowers on the green fabric remind me of how I’ve always tried to bloom for others — to give beauty, comfort, and love, even when I was wilting on the inside. I wore my tenderness like a garden, but behind it, I was curled inwards, just trying to keep from breaking apart. There’s a small smile on the face, and it hurts me because I know that smile so well. It’s the one I give when I don’t want anyone to worry, when I’m falling apart, but I pretend I’m fine. It’s survival, not joy. The blue surrounding me in this piece feels like an ocean, the ocean I’ve drowned in silently, the one made of unspoken thoughts, heartbreaks, and quiet grief. And yet, even in this ocean, I am still here. Still breathing. Still carrying myself, even if it means holding on with everything I have left.

Artwork Size & Ink Base:

36 x 36 inches

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Olumide Ajayi

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